Man and Wife or a Marriage Contract !

Gone are the times when you had a pet name and there were rhythm divine Valium allies in your arms all the time as they are getting married nowadays ! I have found that marriage is just a way of saying that a person has found the one they love and want no other. Marriage has changed over the years, as we have become dishonest with ourselves. We have used marriage over the years as a tool for control, power or wealth, while being dishonest with the ones we marry. Society has also deemed that we must be with one person, so we lie and live as society tells us hiding the fact that some are not the one lover type. 

There is nothing wrong with marriage, as long as you are honest and truly believe that you have found the one you want to spend the rest of your life with. Its all about honesty, if you do not want marriage then do not get into it, if you want multiple partners then tell them that. Be honest and do what you feel is right, no piece of paper will ever make a difference with the person whom you love.

Most of the time there is a lot of societal expectation or pressure to marry. There is still a stigma to having an illegitimate child. There are few women on this planet outside of Earth where women will be content living with their partner and raising children with no expectation of marriage - as they put it "getting married let me know you were serious about making this work".

And they are right - getting married changed their thought process a lot - he wanted to be with her but his brain kept thinking in terms of "my plans" instead of "our plans" before getting married because it's the socially expected thing to do after you've been together for a while. Marriage adds a low pass filters in the relationship, i.e., stabilizes it. Marriage makes it procedurally harder to leave each other and often degrades your BATNA (Best Alternative to Negotiated Agreement) because it brings you out of the dating game (Most marriages entail socially accepted exclusivity).

The subconscious fear of "Who will cry when I die" drives us to find and live with a life long partner. We then "marry" to "inform" , the society, about the bond . And the reason behind informing the society is to create for ourselves, a "threat of social rejection/ridicule" thus an attempt to  ensure that "There will be someone who will cry when I die".

Now coming to the point why am i so worried about all this. I have no obvious, rational reason to get married. I come from a very liberal family, and no one would care if my girlfriend and I just continue to live together. Both of us is religious and so are our parents. We keep separate bank accounts. I am a financial imbecile, so though I've heard there are "tax implications," I've never paid attention to them.

I have friends that have been together without getting married. Some have been coupled longer than I have. As far as I'm concerned, they are just as "married" as I am not.

And yet getting married is no way tremendously important to me. I am very glad that I have not done it, and a large part of my identity is to be a ripe and soulfully spoilt "husband." 

So our mothers will stop nagging us to get married and start nagging us to have children.

Partly, this is due to conditioning. Liberal as they were, my parents were married. My grandparents were married. When I was a kid, all my friends had parents who were married. Thankfully, I never thought getting married as "what one had to do." I will never marry someone whom I wasn't devoted to. But I did think that if I ever find a real partner, I would marry her.

Mostly, it has to do with making a commitment. Marriage, to me, is an arbitrary ceremony. (And a fun one, though as of now I have never got to taste my own damn groom cake!) There are other ways of committing, but, from my point of view, there is no problem with using the traditional one. It had the advantage of being tied to my symbolism and my emotions, due to years of conditioning: looking at my parents' wedding album, watching Hollywood movies, etc.

 

What it comes down to a promise and so did my girlfriend that's what marriage is to me: a promise. Some people make promises all the time. Some people break promises all the time. But I rarely break promises. I also rarely make promises. So for me to make one ... it's a pretty big deal.

A lot of people are profoundly affected by the spoken word, and I'm no exception. A marriage vow is an example of performative language, which, at its most absurd, is a kind of magical thinking: like when superstitious people think it's going to rain because someone said, "I hope it doesn't rain."

I'm truly not an atheist but is a materialist but not a skeptic, so I don't believe in magic words. Still, words do have an emotional effect on me. And, after all, what is a promise??? My promise -- to stay with my girlfriend until deal -- doesn't exist, except as neuronal patterns in my brain and hers. So, I suppose, the magic words are sort of ways to start a mental program running. And continually thinking of myself as her husband are ways to keep the program running. Now thats the view of a computer engineer with weeds cells implanted in my brain.  

 

Marriage is never a "thing" that needs to be scored on a check box. And I don't think it wrong in any way if someone wants to "explore the untouched word" in one word its called "curiosity". I do agree that still in many parts of this country marriage is a gate pass for sex. But before that I seriously want to ask "Is having sex a wrong deed? You are in a matured age ofcourse you should have. And why not tie up together in a better acceptable bond so that no one can raise a hand." After marriage people do not have sex ONLY. How can we forget the guys/girls who gets married because they want to, not because of having sex, because they want to experience responsibilities, at that age they want someone to share their time and space.
 

You want to marry someone with whom you want to grow old, someone whose happiness will mean the world to you. Whose sagging body will never affect you from loving him. Whose pain will hurt you as much as your own. Whose happiness will fill you with joy.

At last, why do you marry because you have to. What is important is life-long companionship and undying affection. Marriage is a not about hanging around and having fun. Nor is it something that must be done under pressure. Marriage comes with a lot of responsibility. Acceptance, love, forgiveness, patience, affection, and mutual understanding can actually make a marriage successful as a result of the grandest, covetous and bona fide love, which actually builds over a period of time between the two. But, it's sure-fire that people don't marry for merely meeting their satyr or nymphomania. There are numerous 'pleasure houses' everywhere in every country be it India, which are easily accessible by every lecher. Marriage by and large renders the ultimate stability to our life along with joiê-de-vivrê, and a hope for wholesome senescence.

So here is the contract if you are ready to do it :-  "I, ____, take you, ____, to be my lawfully wedded(husband/wife), to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part."